Post OP sucks

Warning: the pictures included in this blog have not been censored, these are for our memories and so they have been included.

I don't want to complain because I know there are people in worse places than we are right now...but there are also lots of people in better places and I can't help but want to be in their shoes right now. Bottom line - Madden has been through a very invasive open heart surgery only 7 weeks after his first open heart surgery and he is struggling. He was not "big enough, old enough, healthy enough or strong enough" for this surgery but we didn't have a choice, he needed this surgery and so it was done.

He is having a hard time with ventilation right now and isn't able to clear his C02. He is also struggling to keep his blood pressures up and is having an ongoing battle with fluid. In the hospital world fluid balance means everything. He is currently +300 and he looks it. He is so swollen that he is actually bruised all over his body. His hands and feet are so purple and so frozen that if it gets any worse he could lose them - this is happening because he isn't profusing well All these things can add up to potential big problems and places we don't want to go. We know that Madden is going to heal slowly as he started the race from behind but I am ready to get my baby back. He doesn't even look like himself. It is so hard to look at him because it just looks so painful. Never in my life did I think I would have to see my baby go through so much pain. The road to getting better feels like we are torturing him. I want Madden to know there is more to life than this. That kisses and cuddles are waiting for him in his near future. I want him to feel like the most loved little boy on the planet. I want to pick him up out of bed and take him home. I want so much more for him than this.

I want to be positive, but today I just don't feel like it. Today I feel like screaming and crying. This just isn't fair. He doesn't deserve this, he deserves so much more.

Madden you are the strongest little fighter I know. You can and will get through this. There is so much more to life than this. I promise you the world is an amazing place and I can't wait to show it to you. I love you as big as the sky sweet boy. xox.