Madden sprung a leak

Today's weigh in was very disappointing. Madden weighed in at 7 lbs 0 ounces. All that "weight" was really fluid. Madden's chest xray yesterday morning (they xray every morning) looked quite hazy on the left side and yet the chest tube on that side wasn't draining. They knew there was a blockage so the TPA'd the line. Over the course of the day and night they drained 140 cc's of fluid from that side and another 45 from the right side. We fully expected him to be down in weight due to all this fluid loss...but weren't expecting it to be quite so low. Early on in this journey Madden was also weighed in at this number and at that time we know he had fluid on board so this isn't the lowest he has been. It is probably the most accurate weight we have since he was so dry when he was weighed today. We also know that right now, for the first time ever Madden has everything going for him in the "ability to gain weight" department so he should be able to gain. I am not going to take this weight as a negative. I am going to look at this as his first accurate weight and believe that he will go up from here.

For me today was a bit rough. We had a converstion with one of Madden's primary doctors and the reality of some of the things we talked about were hard to hear. Though I know that the "elephant in the room" is that one day they "might not be able to give Madden back to us", hearing is quite another. It's heartbreaking. I truly beleive with all my heart that we will get Madden home one day but listening to him not getting home being a possibility makes me instantly sick. After our talk I wanted to get away from the hospital for a little so I decided to run over to Kingsway and grab some lunch and shop a little - Kaelin's birthday is coming up. I went into H&M and wandered into the baby section...probably not the best idea on a rough day. I stood there looking at all the little clothes and bawled my eyes out. I know its trivial but I want Madden to wear clothes. I want him to have a closet full of clothes. I want him to be home so I can dress him in clothes. I want a little bit of normal.

Overall Madden had another pretty good day. His arm is getting less swollen and doesn't seem so tender to the touch. He is peeing like a champion so they have cut back on the lasix - hopefully this will help him gain weight. His chest tube drainage has really slowed down and his xray this morning looked great, hoping there isn't anything left in there to drain and that he doesnt start collecting more fluid there.

Keep fighting my sweet little warrior. We love you as big as the sky and neverending like the sky. xox